William Roberts (we'll call him Billy Bobs) was having a bad day. On this particular day in 1788, in a little town in Cornwall called Red Ruth, Billy Bobs got caught with cotton that was purported to be smuggled. So they gave him a free trip to sunny Australia with a few other miscreants. Accordingly, a few months later, and probably about 20 kilos lighter he stepped on New Holland soil, dodged a few digeridoos, married a bird called Kezia Brown (poor girl, why can't children have legal recourse for the names given to them?) and, after a short stint in Her Majesty's hotel, got a plot all to himself in Windsor.

Billy Bobs went on to buy some more land, build St Matthews church and had another Billy, who had another Billy, who had another Billy (it's true, I swear. They were an unimaginative lot!). The third Billy ended up marrying a Savage of the Emily type who had a little girl Augusta who married John Leeson. One of their sons Edwin, was a good chap and he married Annie Kezia Cooper, the daughter of Charles Cooper who had a big department store in Goulburn in 1865 which was when the railway arrived there.

Up until then it was pretty much a farming family but Bethia, one of their three children, became a journalist, met this fellow called Ivor Penglase, and as rabbits do, had four children of her own, the youngest and weirdest of which is called Garth. He met up with this All-American mid-western small-town pageant queen, as you do when you're sitting beside a city road on a hot summer's day, and like sands through an hour glass, like bees to honey, like a dog in heat, like a fire in..., oh.., where was I? oh yeah.. they spawned four of their own (a TV in the bedroom would fix this I'm sure). Now, what sort of sick, depraved world is it when someone like Garth Penglase is allowed to raise four poor children? That Cornish smuggler has a lot to answer for when he steps up to the pearly gates and its not just about the cotton he was ferrying around the moors.

So we arrive at today. What's happening in this family now?